I'm no dog lover but...

On a Sunday mid-noon I decided to go to the nearby store for shopping. Little did I ever know that that day will turn out be a life changing one!

Living in an area littered with dogs it was always my duty to check if there were any dogs sleeping beneath my car. A callous, lazy me checked irritably and seeing only two pups at a safe distance  got into the car and said "Everything is fine!" and signalled that we were ready to move on. We had made only a small turn to the right and a guy outside squealed holding his hands over the back of his head.

In a few seconds I dashed out of the car only in the hope that nothing serious should have occurred. I was relieved when I saw there was not a drop of blood near one of the pups which lay still.

I was iterating to myself that nothing bad had really happened and that the puppy would be on his legs soon. A nearby construction worker had already rushed to the pup and was handling him just to see if he moved.He tried to jerk to the pup but in vain. I closed my eyes for a moment and visually ran the car's movement. I realized the car’s sharp turn of the wheels had crushed the tender bones of the pup and that it should have crumpled to death. The other pup that was playing with the dead one seemed fine and playing at a further distance now.

All of a sudden I saw a female dog come near the place where the pup had played and circle the place in dismay. The workers nearby told me she was the mother and the pups were only two days old. The dog's sorrowful and questioning eyes pierced me as I stood stunned for some fleeting moments. I thanked the worker who helped me cremate the pup in a nearby spot.

The oversight, the car’s turns and the pup’s motionless body kept playing like a movie in my mind.

I realized that my single act of lethargy combined with some pride had cost a life. I realised that life would never be the same again.  Every time I closed my eyes the little freaking sound of the pup came to my mind and made me restless. For more than a week I knew nothing could be more painful than the guilt hovering above my head of the pain the pup had to undergo. None of my successes or failures hit me hard anymore for the nonchalant feeling reigned above all of them. The feeling of “If Only” seemed to have bitten me harder than I ever thought it could.

 

After many days of reflection I realised that that day a bit of realization was born. I no longer think the same way I used to. My perspective in life had changed. The very trust I had on my own self had been shaken. A vehement answer to the guilt I bore would be "I was never at the wheels so it’s not my fault" but I know the truth is more than that.